The Bears and their housies

The mother bear when she was older than 20,000 days, yes that old, realized her children were goblins. She noticed when they came back to her house for a visit. The large grown children stomped upstairs and crashed the boxes around- until she realized " they are goblins! These are not bears, they are goblins".  But they were good goblins. Good  to their small goblin child and good to their own father and mother bear, so she did not worry.

Many years ago the bear parents were strong and dreamy. They looked at the ground and dreamed of zuchinnis, okra, tomatoes, melons and all kinds of vegetables  they liked to eat and " poof" enormous plants grew to the sky.  Then they  walked deeper into the forest away from the sun until they found the perfect spot.  "oh" sighed mother bear. "Yes, " agreed father bear and they hugged in the forest.  As their children played in the garden the two bears walked together. They drew long straight lines in the earth. " no" said the mother bear. " hmmmm- no " said the father bear. The children darted in and out of the long shadows of the garden plants. The sun was setting. In the woods on their long porch the mother and father bear looked around at the giant house they had dreamed. " Shall we call in the children for supper? " mother bear said.

The children ate fondu with long sticks and slowly chewed carrots and grapes. Very quickly they grew big and soon they were gone. All the bear children went very far away as they explored the world and learned to dream themselves. The oldest bear dreamed herself onto a plane- sat politely sipping tea as it flew her across the ocean. She landed in London and there she stayed in a small house just right for her. Once she dreamed of another bear and she woke up, he was there. He had dreamed of his own bear and it was she. These bears loved to play and drink beer. They were silly bears.

The next oldest bear dreamed in circles and slowly looped away from the house. She dreamed of something she could not see- a feeling of perfect satisfaction. This bear while asleep would dream of cats and teapots and cakes and when she awoke she would find these things clustered all over the house and say  "shoo" and push away the cakes and put away the the teapots. But the best cats would not leave her and stayed to watch her, and the cakes were sweet as the middle bear grew more and more satisfied. She nibbled on a carrot one day and "poof" dreamed her own house. "why not?" she said " I mean I don't love it" but inside her the satisfaction sighed and grew.

The third bear had a desire to always see new things and could not walk in a straight line.  So this bear was always left or right of where she intended to go. One day this bear realized how easy dreaming in a straight way could be. She sat right where she was and dreamed a house. Snow covered it. Somehow it was another bear's house and he invited her in.

The littlest bear dreamed of the ocean.  She opened her eyes and it stretched out in front of her. " How beautiful" she said and took pictures and blew on them to make them shine. She stuck her shining pictures all over her house and smiled at night.  In the morning she blinked and dreamed a family. "Mama!" said the littlest bear. "Mom!" shouted the older bear child. "Hello" said their father. The family paw in paw admired the shining pictures. Then walked to the ocean as the sun set. " How nice", said the third bear. Her children raced away and the mother and father bear sat down in the warm sand.

The four grown bear children's dreams shifted and went everywhere. They dreamed new houses then blinked them away for different houses as their desires shifted. However, the mother and father bear kept their original two dreams. The trees around their house in the woods remained tall and beautiful.
The house remained as perfect as it ever was to them. But they noticed the roof leaked here and there. They noticed the wind had blown down bits and edges at the corners while they had been in the warm center sipping tea and reading stories.  Then, the wind blew a tree branch right through a window. It crashed onto mother bear in her bed.

She growled and cried, and her wounds would not heal. The father bear grew sad and grizzled. From then on, the mother bear ran a small silver bell when she wanted her tea and toast, and the garden shriveled and sank back into the ground.

Now the father had to walk in to town to buy beets and meats and carrots and ingredients for pie. As he rolled the dough a tear or two might fall.  "This is salty" the mother bear would say. " Yes" said the father bear as they ate their pie by the bed.

The children said " Come be with us. There are small houses waiting for you at the end of each of our driveways. "  However, the old bears could not leave their dream. They loved it even though it was no longer as magnificent as when they were young and powerful dreamers. They did not want to leave.

However, the wind continued to whistle into their house.  Hungry wolves smelling their sadness and their meat pies gathered, and paced around the house. Over the years the wolves made a deep track around the house. "Shoo" the father bear would say, flinging a chunk of wood at them.  The hungry wolves would leap on it and it would turn to meat when it touched their mouths.

Fed like this, on bits of meat, the wolves did not storm the house. But ever they paced. The path grew deeper.

Their snarls would wake the dreaming mother. She would set aside her strong tea as sweet smoke coiled around her head to dull the pain. " I hear wolves again!" she would shout.

"shoo" said the father bear. He flung his chunks of wood.

The house started to tip and lean, unbalanced by the movement of displaced earth caused by the wolves deep tracks.

Far away the grown up bear children, none living in the woods, hummed and sang and drove cars and played with their friends and children.  Their dreams were nearly complete, and wrapped around them.

One day a wolf hunter in a black hat found the bit of forest where father and mother bear lived. His eyes gleamed at the sight of all those wolves. He raised his black gun. "Bang, Bang, Bang!" He shot the wolves. Smoke drifted in the silent air. The hunter cut down two trees and made a bridge over the steep moat surrounding the house. "Hello" he said.  The bears let him in and gave him tea.  The hunter stayed. He hunted deer and rabbit and gave the bears meat for their pies.  With no wolves about both the bears were more content. "How did this happen " they mused. "So many wolves...."   The father bear filled in the moat. The mother bear sewed wolfskin rugs.

The hunter walked here and there. " What a beautiful place" said the hunter thinking of the deer leaping away from him that morning. "This place is just right for me" he said. "That is what we said a long time ago" said the bears.  "That is what we still say" murmured the bears.

The bears and the hunter watched a cardinal hop from branch to branch. They smelled the air.

The hunter pulled out a sack of gold and gave it to the bears. " I want to live here someday" said the hunger. The bears' eyes used to looking at each other looked into his. The sun rose and the sun set. The bears walked in the forest and planted flowers and felt as happy as ever they had.

Far away a tear plopped from the littlest bear's eyes as her bear mother ended the story. " Why do things have to end?" she cried. Inside the tears welled up and made her feel powerful. "No!" she cried.

Sick

You know you are sick when the bed is an ocean. When you hear the house downstairs-Kids high voices, Aaron's lower and then you just fall back asleep and wake up two hours later and you still haven't said good morning to the kids.

Me and the bed have been close buddies for 2 days. I lay in bed so much I got sore lying in bed. Yesterday I was freezing cold under all the blankets. Today I had the brilliant thought I should go to the doctor tommorow. I was too sick yesterday to think about that.

Food is gorgeous when you have been sick and haven't eaten. It is also shocking. I have a painful sore throat. So yesterday I had hot tea. In the middle of the night I had some water and it tasted like ice my throat was so hot. And today I had an apple and I put ALL my attention to that apple.

It tasted so sweet. And I could feel it popping in my throat, and covering it with juice. I only ate half and was done. I'm still not hungry.  Far far out of it. Sick is a different kind of life.

Diving into the depths of your soul

Some of my passwords are the name of my childhood white donkey that died last year.
Threads of your soul wind around you. Ocean metaphors are apt, depths can release unexpected items that may retain qualities of treasure or be nearly destroyed by the forces of time.


Your soul talks to you. It is hard to listen, and if you do- you realize how often you want to do things that you don't do. Once I had a dream that I was in a huge sunlit room, that was dark like a room made of real oak. Like a picture from old times of rooms that are no longer built.  The light shifted down in huge  beams, illuminated by the dust. Like how you see sunlight in woods when there is smoke. 


On my kitchen window I have a small metal buddha that I bought when I was 10 from an Indian shop keeper in Wooster, Ohio who rubbed his hands together when he sold things.  Once I burned wax on my fingers and dripped it on the buddha. Then the buddha lived in a special corner of the barn at the old house we lived in near killbuck, Ohio.

Right now I am not sure if I live in the best place for me to breathe.  But I like it here.

so... fat with complacency, or do it- changes.

Red curtains. December. Supposedly there will be a blizzard tommorow.

Another way to say that is 12- 20 inches of snow and heavy winds.  A blizzard sounds better.
Humans are special because we can really love so many things. we can really love in so many ways. But, we don't do it enough.  And waste our greatest gift.  Net it. Put it out. If it were a fire. Other things take precedence.

Verbs for love are burning, falling. Not treeing. Growing.  Being. The roots that uphold everything. The self that stretches so long it can topple.  Uproot.

down root.  grow like a carrot.

Yam is cheese

The love:   A shout out. To my 5 or so readers add yr comments to this one!!!  I seek more of your own personal food substitutions that made you go " ah... equal. or   "better'  or  " ah, new and just right".   I wish I could get 50 replies to this post!

The explanation: Since I became vegetarian again and am allergic to milk I like to substitute non-dairy things for the "milk element" in recipes, and like to find vegetable combos that are very succulent or hearty or give a meaty satisfying feeling in some recipes.  I am a big lover of simple veggies.  Olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic are one set of veggie friends. Miso, soy sauce, mirin,  and vinegar and oil are another veggie friend set for instant sauces etc.   But.. and...! so..! in this  post I want yr more hearty veggie dishes or substitutions that delight you.  Being satisfied without milk is probably the hardest for me.  The list is just a few meal staples that are just as good with their new ingredients.

The list: (underneath context will come, but of course!!)

Yam is cheese
Coconut oil is ham.
Coconut oil is butter.
Yam is brown sugar.
Lentil loaf is lasagna.
Pancakes are vegetables.
Avacado is cheese.





Yam is cheese.... on pizza.  Grating yam on home made veggie pizza one day just because it was orange  ;) After baking I discovered that it is an awesome succulent replacement. And there was no real yam flavour, just a faintly sweet mellowness.  I do not think it would be as satisfying if you did not baby it a bit. so spread yr dough, sprinkle with olive oil, put on yam, drizzle more olive oil. Put on toppings. one swirl of olive oil and fave spices. (for me oregano / pepper flakes on top).  Also, for the kids I put a little cheese along with yam.  So they still get a cheese pizza but much less cheese.  ANd, grated/ fine cut olives mixed with yam as yr non cheese topping is very good too.

Coconut oil is ham.... in split pea soup. Very good.  It is not the salty rich lumps, but a more kid friendly sweet oil/ fat flavour.  Just a slight add on to the boring split pea flavor.  I made it with salt and pepper and added cut up baked or steamed carrot. so you get brilliant orange rectangles in yr yummy green soup.

Yam is brown sugar ... grated on curries like thai curries that call for curry paste coconut milk and brown sugar.  Make the curry as per yr style. Letting the spices or paste release flavor a bit then adding veggies.  and when simmer time comes grate yam over top and let it steam on top and in the end stir it in.  I am sure dried minced yam,  or a million other ways just as a garnish would also add that sweetness.

Lentil loaf is lasagna.  My mom made lasagna like this : 1 layer meat, 1 layer spinach and cheese, one layer ricotta, top  layer cheese and sauce and spices parmesan on top. So naturally that is how my lasagna template is layed out..  So instead of the meat layer I put in left over french lentil lentil loaf ( from a recipe with just mainly 6 eggs, spices and lentils very rich and good.  Not a very veggie or oatmeal full lentil loaf).  so it looks like meat in appearance and is kind of dense, and goes well with tomato sauce..  and I use cheese in this recipe for the rest of the fam. and w/ mine use goat cheese with the spinach to stick it together on that layer. 


Pancakes are vegetables.  I have become so into making these pancakes, the batter has a a good  amount of garbonzo flour added, extra eggs. Then they get green onions, summer squash,  corn, carrots or yam, cabbage, zuchinni basically any vegetable that is not too strong  or any vegetable that is sweet. About 3 kinds of vegetables  is about the max.  The goal of course is not just chucking in vegetables in dishes,  it is in making delicious food.  so, the mix has to work and the family has to like it. Sometimes the kids get honey on top, or vanilla sugar sprinkled on. But in general these are just eaten as is, or with yogurt  and applesauce.

Avacado is cheese.  Hummus is good on sandwiches as a cheese substitute, but I found I get bored some. Which I hate, since I love hummus and do not ever want to just ho hum eat it !  But avacado always just keeps on with its goodness, I used to just really "need" cheese ( mozzarella type goat cheese is expensive!)  on burritoes and wanted it on beans often too but avacodo and green onion, or hot sauce or lemon  or all of those make it just as good as cheese for me.

my wee list is done. Even tho I know more combos that work super well, these are less Asian-y and more just kind of kid friendly.      Give me yours!!

A changing Marie

Today we had a playdate and 3 girls came over.  We have a bouncy teeter totter that goes around and around as well as up and down. There was a lot of teetor totter action. 5 kids five years old and under in one living room is noisy.  Marie stayed there most of the whole time playing,  I did notice she took some breaks going out to the porch and started painting.  But, when she did one of her friends followed and they painted quietly together.

I remember last year at busy playdates she would just vanish,  and if it was at someone else's house I would go find her upstairs in the kid's room or over in the kitchen looking at fridge art or somewhere like that.

As she gets better at handling noise and lots of kids I've noticed she has become a noisier kid herself.  The super sweet quiet blondy is gone.  No more. But I like the new, often rude, always silly and very often loud Marie because I know its how she should be acting.

Tonight she was announcing she was a princess witch.  In their game Junie was an innocent bystander who would see the bad witch and go EEK and jump in surprise then Marie would squirt yucky stuff at her from her witch's wand.

This merging of princess and witch is new..  the persona tonight was supposed to be beautiful, fast and bad. !

  She was racing through the house with a balloon tied to the end of a ribbon tied to her wand.  Something about Marie even when she is naughty or pretending to be bad there is such a sweet core. When she does bad things she usually breaks down with emotion over the results and reasons why she was doing the wrong thing surface.



poem from yesterday dinner:

Mint song
minty minty I love some minty
cook it right inside my special pot

Dollhouse Dollhouse
"hi" said a big doll in the dollhouse moving all about

I love you
I know you
You are my friend Tuba.
Numa, Numa how do you dooba.

thanks to a friend who posted this on her blog

I think I have read this poem before. I admire the friend who posted it who is going through great personal pain and journeying.  I, who am not, was inspired also by this poem. The truth of it. the childish wisdom and old wisdom of it. and it made me thing of my mom as well. As in she would like this poem. (so to my dear darling main reader ;)  Let's read, shall we?)

THE WAY IT IS

There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.

—William Stafford