miércoles, 21 de agosto de 2013

New year

Well.. now this blog has been napping a few years but I have not. I notice I have NOT bought an electric cargo bike. But I have gained a teaching license and a new hobby. I am in love with capoeira and one day will post a video.

Deep thoughts- move be active do what you love. Life can drift by in a dream. When you start interacting with the world that changes.

martes, 2 de agosto de 2011


I met again a woman who annoyed me at the pool the other day. She persisted in being too friendly, we initially interacted because our kids were swimming together. This woman kept on coming over, by dint of persistent questioning she learned our names and what we did that afternoon. she annoyed me because she kept on complaining about her daughter's father in front of her daughter and just was kind of draining and offputting. They share their kid as many ex-couples do. she just seemed a mix of too naive and too bitter at the same time.  Every grudging remark I ladled out got treated like something so wise.  When... I was just trying to think of mellow things to say about life or her ex, or parenting.  Despite all evasion tactics, no luck.

So...... I bumped into her and her beautiful curly headed kid again at the Seward  co-op.  I said "hey" my kids shared their snacks with her kids outside as I grabbed a book to go to the park.   Then... who did I see a few min later ( after we had said " see ya round again I'm sure".   Mom and kid coming over.

And... who had a great time playing racing princesses around the park for hours? My two kids and her child. And ... who had an interesting time talking with someone who is smart and articulate and has social skills when relaxed.  Me and this person whom I am keeping anonymous ;)   I said to myself
" hey, I might as well be friendly since she is here .. etc" . (Actually I think I said to myself something like " I'll just try to pretend to be someone who can talk to anyone".)   And then we had a really good conversation.  It turns out she has MS. ( One reason for odd body language, and occasional odd intonation that just added to putting me off initially).  And a whole other set of unique good and bad-  life things going on that make her who she is.

So this post is half about me, realization of how judgmental and perhaps unkind I am sometimes. Blinders up keep away the "non-essential to my life" people who suck up our time, but they also keep out the world.

Out of the pool, in a different context with more knowledge of who she is ( lol. gained by a long conversation that was genuine) made my day glitter.  There are so many days without insight, let's call them facetless.  like rock. And then those tiny sparks that come to you in many different ways that make your day special.  stub yr toe on a diamond..

So be good to yourself and others and there are rewards. Love, compassion and empathy. Truth is found in following what's prescribed.... the old paths are good paths. ( Which we all know in our deep bones... but have heard too often and tangentally at that often  for it to be a "discovered" truth..  perhaps).  Discovery is shiny.

( lol- Aaron just said Marie said " Daddy.. will you help me swim? My body won't let me do it".  this is from a kid who is a fish. She can swim half the length of the pool and does flips etc and is constantly diving.  So he put her head down and she said " thank you, ah now I can do it", with much relief. This kind of thing happens from time to time, her body is just blocked or her words are blocked when she wants to do or say something).

She is so strange and wonderful.  We are currently doing an audio OT treatment ( listening to audio frequencies with headphones while doing physical activities) with her.   It's very intense: two times a day for 2 weeks and she gets wacky doing it.  You can visibly tell things are just getting stirred around in there.

Love for everything that a person loves is wonderful.  But so different from love for your children. All other things I can think of I love for reasons that drew me to that person or thing. But love for your kids is so automatic, you love first then find the reasons. So with M I love her consistent unique wackyness, her tenderness, I love understanding her and sharing in her world.   Go momhood! It gives a lot whilst draining and driving you nuts... 

Goodnight or good morning mom! whenever you read this.   !

viernes, 20 de mayo de 2011

Marie's story

  At the beginning of the party June and me were running, running. I was running first. Then June. So I ran toward the wicked witch, because I couldn't see her because she was invisible.  Then after I met her June came running. And we ran from her but she changed us into goons anyway.

But we used our magic to change ourselves back to princesses and back to ourselves. There was less magic in us after that. Because it takes a lot of magic to change yourself back into a human.

Then we rided a rollercoaster. June heard a little soudn like this "squeak, squeak squeak". The princess mice were as big as a baby rat.  ....... the mice scurried and scurried.

    And what did I see? Something fancy hanging down.
"oh!" said somebody.
"just run, run, run, run!"

GRRRRRR  (animal growling)

One strong bear came. And the bear ran, ran, ran.  But they were faster.
"where did they go?" the bear said.
     The bear was left behind. The bear was SO frustrated!  It was a tiny bear.  Even smaller than Marie and June.  It tried to run always but it couldn't even really run at all.  It was always left behind.
Then "what did I see?"  said the bear.  It was the flash of a white hoof.  It was Flapjack!  "Look at all the remains of a party I see!" Flapjack was so excited and enjoyed playing with all the fancy things.

    It was so fun of a party that the house was starting to lift off.

    I saw the moon below us! How exciting to go over the moon !!  We were just good then and about to go to sleep but we didn't because it was a very long party. Until finally we slept and the next day we finished up the party.
    There were left over things from the party, there were necklaces...  So Marie and June trotted off. Into the dark night to the Amasan Parade.  Actually its the Amasan Circus, but they call it a parade.
(musical noises)  a horn!  (different musical noises) a trombone!  Then the train came (choo, choo noises).
    What a beautiful day! Marie and June stayed there and helped the parade and then they were done.

Just then the wicked witch heard about the party and came rushing to the party, " What are you doing?! These fancy things you can't have!"  The party was full of fancy things, but not food.

"Time to eat now", (very sweetly) said Marie,  " I made a dinner all out of candy".
"Cake time everybody!" said Marie and brought out the cake.

Just then they saw Flapjack putting little decoration necklaces on the ceiling.  And everybody said.
" Wee hoo!"

Then everybody said " A story is coming, a story is coming. That is good.  Good good."

It's a huge party. Everybody was coming. Sneaky Teek, Toby and Clara. And Anna too. And Marin and Bitner. Dale and Paul came from across the street.  And then we played pin the tail on the donkey and it was a very princess party.
   "oh good, Skippy Jon Jones is coming, and his sisters!"
"oh good! Mama Junebug Jones is coming too".

"Fly, fly fly!"
"Peeka boo, peeka boo, peeka boo".  That's just somebody playing peek a boo. Then they all went to the beach.
     And princesses came and put presents by the bags.  Apples, and all kinds of things.
One princess was named Marie. One princess was named Juniper. One princess was named Jump. One princess was named Flower. One princess was named Purple. One princess was named "Come to me". One princess was named Pretty.  One princess was named Mama. One princess was named Rainbow. One princess was named Princess McGurkess. One princess was named Rain. One princess was named Stripe. One princess was named Goldilocks. One princess was named Swirl. One princess was named "Pink and purple".  One princess was named "Green and yellow".  One princess was named "Come to me my darling". One princess was named " Pink & purple and green& yellow and red & orange and blue".   One princess was named "M-marie".  One princess was named "Swirly, swirly".  One princess was named "Writing".  One princess was named "Time to go",  and one princess was named "Time to come".  

...And the crab apple rolled down the hill and knocked down pine cones.

So say "De end" and that's the end.


** She was telling a long long story (this is just the tail end)  staring at her picture all the way home in the rain. She said she was "reading her story".  She was just holding her picture and looking at it and telling a story I really wasn't paying attention to.  After I parked and it was still raining I started listenign and really liked it, so started writing. So this is all verbatum.  I could write about as fast as she was talkign most of the time, because she would pause at exciting bits or repeat occasionally things she liked ( she said the sentence about the princess mice being as big as baby rats about 4 times in a very pleased way).  so rather than put  my words in I just left out  a few sentences when she was going faster.  :)  So its her.

(it was kind of funny, June started to want to "read" her drawing so I handed June her drawing ( one big circle with lines on it.) ANd June said something like " There was a big eye... and it was an eye". Then threw down her drawing and asked for another one.. lol.

plant in rain kiss in the sun

dashing about today was such a fantastic mixed up day. We bought jasmine vines and pink flower to satisfy Marie's lust for that color and for flowers.
Our relationship with pink has been rocky (for me). As a new mom I dreamed of when this squirrely baby would be old enough to wear overalls and frog shirts.  I imaged a blond haired girl in grass stained overalls peering between the fronds stalking bugs and and looking up with vast eyes and cheeks smudged with dirt.  However.... by the time she was speaking in full sentences she was no longer wearing the striped leg warmers and the worn inherited 70's garb my mom so wonderfully gave me. No brown cordaroy trousers and shabby french comic book t-shirts and frayed swiss sweaters.
    By that age, she was twirling her hand lovingly down dresses as we walked through target.
Starting to get upset in the car one day out of the blue because " Mom! I just wish I had a dress all in pink".
me: " um, Marie you do."
me: " you know that dress with the layered ruffles, that one is only pink".
Marie" Oh! " giggles.  " Mom.. I am so happy".

so today June and I bought flowers in the gray weather and started planting them in the rain. She pulled through by not demanding to go in as I dashed around maniacally mixing compost into the dirt going into the hole ( our yard is going through some changes) and muddily doing one after another.   ANd we were all wet and then later racing to get lunch done before going to Marie's OT appointment. The sun came out as I was making lunch. We went to St. Paul. The rain clouds came back. June and I walked down to a little pond by a trailer park full of redwing blackbirds and frogs.

I was just all giddy on the sounds.  chicken noises, spring frog and toad peeper noises and redwing black bird's sounds just boom hit that magic nostalgia, childhood magic button. So I was completely full of bliss walking aroudn the grassy little area of mirk and cat tails aroudn the pond.

June gave me wishing flowers  (the white dandelions) and I would throw them after making wishes.  We made a ton of wishes.

Some of my wishes: that june and marie are friends when they are two grandmas.  That J and M learn to really love each other since it is the best thing in the world to really love people.  That we always live in the same state.  That when baby Benjamin first sees them he laughs ( all the flyers didn't blow off on that one so I told June, " maybe he will be crying").

June's wish:   that I (June) will be a little dog today.
It is good to have generous children.  Since she gave me so many wishes today,  I had to give some of my wishes to her.

what else? then we went to T-ball and Marie went running aroudn all the bases when she wasn't up to bat. started staring at the lines painted on the gym floor (we were inside because it was raining again) adn walking on all the lines around and aroudn the gym while everyone else played T-ball. Which was ok.  Then playing tag with parents, as in tagging the stomach of a rather large mom I have never met before while racing by- saying "tag".  Which was not ok. And, for some reason I was kind of still invested in getting her to play t-ball so I would get her over to the right place at the right time and then leave her and she would just spin away into her own little world.

but... later. In the playroom at the same rec center she just stood and drew with a (pink of course) marker for a straight hour. She drew some cursive e's to show me her new letter. But for the most part drew circles with many  lines through them. About 20 all the same.  They looked a bit like sow bugs.  She drew them on a black grid.  Then she drew a roller coaster. The sow bugs were holes, the roller coaster was what she and June wanted to ride. A very large bear chasing them fell in the holes- so she and June could ride the rollercoaster.

On the way home contemplating her art she told a new very long adn fabulous story - which will be the next post since many people might not enjoy reading it as much as I- and so will be warned of that which they are about to read.

lunes, 25 de abril de 2011

ride yr way home

I decided to go grocery shopping by bike at dusk and it was so much fun.  It is a wonderful bike very slow and heavy. You just kind of sit comfortably back and it feels like the world is moving along with you.  Kind of a boating feel most of the time..

And since its been winter just riding a bike on the sidewalk again took a little bit of mental activity, planning yr bumps and avoiding trashcans and other sidewalk hazards- many little scooters at cross angles at one house. I had my moment of happy duh-ness where life and concepts intermingle.  I was thinking "it's like a video game!" because it was getting dark, and tricky and things kind of pop up at you. and then I was thinking " no, no! this IS what what video games aproximate/ tap into!"  - reaction time, decisions, swervies and leaning and physical skills etc!  Of course... at this point I had upped my biking video game from "easy" level to "medium"  since I had bought a watermelon of course at the store and decided to put it and other sundries in my big front basket.

frontloading!  So I had a nice slushy feeling to how the bike handled and a wee bit of danger feeling. Also, this bike has pedal backwards brakes- and ... that just feels silly to me, so I tend not to brake with this bike ( slow bike not a problem...) I just put my feet down.  drag it, or just quick hop off. Plus it is fun on little downhill curves to kind of lean over and start hopping ( kind of hopping- bike hopping..) on one foot to slow down. Of course I DO stop with the brakes occasionally,  its just somehow not my preferred way of slowing or stopping on this bike. 

Point being- that not stopping factor was in there with my bike ride along with the watermelon... in the dark... whilst playing swervy with yard objects and trash cans etc. in my path.  I was having so much fun, and thinking " no, I am really NOT going to smash my watermelon tonight. woops..... that was a good bump for the groceries..".  kind of stream of conciousness.

After a while I thought of this blog and just wanted to blare out " Go ride a bike tonight!".    That random advice is so in tune with blog format.....

I was thinking about blogging tonight and how my posts tend to fall into categories:
1. Jessamin's random good advice column.  ( tonight's synopis  " hey its fun to ride bikes!".)
2. weirdo wonderfulness of the world, hidden treasures, little moments of wonder, awe, glee, or oddness.  ex: ( "we saw a duck sitting on a car today.  What a chilled out duck."   ( also happened today)
3. Kid news   ( usually under the category of " hey my kids are cute ( share example) or  " They are REALLY difficult (share struggle) or instrumental in changing me as a person. ( philosophic ramble about parenting and humans follows.)
4. or you feel the urge to share info/ educate.  Kind of like #1 friendly advice colummn but with a pedantic slant.  The occasional deep thoughts that must be shared fit in here nicely too.

I  started blogging because I wanted to use it to motivate myself to do new things and write about them.  I had very specific goals. 1. Lose weight and talk about that process and put pictures up of "the same red dress!" (with me in it).  And do new things and take pictures and write about that and kind of have the blog motivate me to do more new things. So I really envisioned the blog as something for me. But, whenever I write it its really to my mom, sisters and few friends first THEN I am also writing for me.  And the writing for me part is just the satisfaction of phrasing or the keeping on going with thoughts.  That part is definately personally fun.  But as a tool to change my life, this little blog morphed away from that pretty quickly.

hmmm- very writerly musings tonight. I was just thinking do we EVER write just for ourselves.  ?  (besides lists! I mean all other longer forms of writing..)

ooh yeah, I should add the random Minnesota bliss of today to top off this mental delectation I am trying to pass along to the world  ;)       Today's offerings: redwing blackbirds burbling, hearing people point out to their children " look there's still some snow" under a pile of dirt and everybody swiveling to look at  ....  manky dirty SNOW!,  hearing Canada geese honk ( yay,  They're back!),  and chatting with neighbors through the fence.

The tulips are tall. I will still expect the random snow storm to fall on daffodils or crocuses, the firsties, but tulips give me faith.  Bird people are making nests.  Frog noises!  Winter is officially over!

And that's something around here.

yippety doo da, yippety ay, my oh my what a wonderful day...   cricket on yr shoulder.

lunes, 18 de abril de 2011

things the children are thinking about

sorry no photos. our camara has gone to the great camara recycling bin in the sky...

JUNE:  (sitting in the back seat after 5 minutes of silence)  " what if.. what if something... as tiny as my fingernail- just floated into the sky ?"   ( me and Marie : " huh ? like what ?"   Junie :  " what if it was... icecream!  REal icecream, and you could EAT it and it just floated down from the sky".       

me - waiting for more conversation about this but.......  All I heard was a satisfied sigh from the back seat as the two children contemplated this thought of little bits of REAL ice cream floating around the world.

MARIE:  Has learned the art of successful negotiation; and the art of talking about - and explaining shades of gray.  

At the park today when we had to go and I told them- 'time to pack it up kids" Marie worked out an acceptable deal to stay longer.  The conditions were : 1. she couldn't go past the big slide ( we were in a huge park and I wanted to see them).  2. and when it was time to go again in 15 minutes they had to both say ok, and come along nicely no asking for more time and no dilly dallying.  So ! the 15 minutes (really half an hour) run out and time to go, and they both say "ok" sweetly then scurry under the slide to play with sand.  ANd I say "come on, remember yr promise to walk off nicely with me," and walk off.  Children remain in sand...  I say "come on, time to go"  a few more times as I am leaving.   Then, come back saying " I am going to pick you up and carry you, this is not the way we should leave the park.."  and  " I am not very happy that you guys did not keep yr promise". 
        I get there. I pick up Marie telling her I am not happy. She says she'll walk now, and when released walks along nicely. June comes when she sees obedient elder sister.   And.... then, Marie starts putting a SPIN on the situation.  Saying," I was looking for my shoes mommy"  ( to explain why she was not originally walking toward me, which was a nice try but lacking in truth and I tell her so..) And then  " well, mama " she starts in rebuttal to my comment that she failed to keep her promise and I am grouchy about that "well, we halfway kept the promise because we did walk nicely."  ( Me- " after I picked you up, so you didnt come nicely I had to get you". ).
Marie- " well, we kept part of our promise since we walked partway!".  
Me :  " That you did".   
Me " I feel less grouchy now'.

and...........  for some reason on the way home we made a little detour and got creampuffs for all.    shhhhhhh....  :)