I met again a woman who annoyed me at the pool the other day. She persisted in being too friendly, we initially interacted because our kids were swimming together. This woman kept on coming over, by dint of persistent questioning she learned our names and what we did that afternoon. she annoyed me because she kept on complaining about her daughter's father in front of her daughter and just was kind of draining and offputting. They share their kid as many ex-couples do. she just seemed a mix of too naive and too bitter at the same time. Every grudging remark I ladled out got treated like something so wise. When... I was just trying to think of mellow things to say about life or her ex, or parenting. Despite all evasion tactics, no luck.
So...... I bumped into her and her beautiful curly headed kid again at the Seward co-op. I said "hey" my kids shared their snacks with her kids outside as I grabbed a book to go to the park. Then... who did I see a few min later ( after we had said " see ya round again I'm sure". Mom and kid coming over.
And... who had a great time playing racing princesses around the park for hours? My two kids and her child. And ... who had an interesting time talking with someone who is smart and articulate and has social skills when relaxed. Me and this person whom I am keeping anonymous ;) I said to myself
" hey, I might as well be friendly since she is here .. etc" . (Actually I think I said to myself something like " I'll just try to pretend to be someone who can talk to anyone".) And then we had a really good conversation. It turns out she has MS. ( One reason for odd body language, and occasional odd intonation that just added to putting me off initially). And a whole other set of unique good and bad- life things going on that make her who she is.
So this post is half about me, realization of how judgmental and perhaps unkind I am sometimes. Blinders up keep away the "non-essential to my life" people who suck up our time, but they also keep out the world.
Out of the pool, in a different context with more knowledge of who she is ( lol. gained by a long conversation that was genuine) made my day glitter. There are so many days without insight, let's call them facetless. like rock. And then those tiny sparks that come to you in many different ways that make your day special. stub yr toe on a diamond..
So be good to yourself and others and there are rewards. Love, compassion and empathy. Truth is found in following what's prescribed.... the old paths are good paths. ( Which we all know in our deep bones... but have heard too often and tangentally at that often for it to be a "discovered" truth.. perhaps). Discovery is shiny.
( lol- Aaron just said Marie said " Daddy.. will you help me swim? My body won't let me do it". this is from a kid who is a fish. She can swim half the length of the pool and does flips etc and is constantly diving. So he put her head down and she said " thank you, ah now I can do it", with much relief. This kind of thing happens from time to time, her body is just blocked or her words are blocked when she wants to do or say something).
She is so strange and wonderful. We are currently doing an audio OT treatment ( listening to audio frequencies with headphones while doing physical activities) with her. It's very intense: two times a day for 2 weeks and she gets wacky doing it. You can visibly tell things are just getting stirred around in there.
Love for everything that a person loves is wonderful. But so different from love for your children. All other things I can think of I love for reasons that drew me to that person or thing. But love for your kids is so automatic, you love first then find the reasons. So with M I love her consistent unique wackyness, her tenderness, I love understanding her and sharing in her world. Go momhood! It gives a lot whilst draining and driving you nuts...
Goodnight or good morning mom! whenever you read this. !